What's a better word for dilemma?

Last night I was studying for yet another test...well actually my mom called...so, I was supposed to be studying for yet another test, but was happily distracted into gushing about the look on Derick's face when the OB put the Doppler on my belly and heard the rapid thumping of our baby's heart (supreme joy)...But, that is not what this entry is about. Bear with me.

For sometime now as I work in the hospital and definitely through the election, I have pondered over what a huge dilemma the health care crisis is (dilemma is too soft a word, but I haven't got a better one). I always thought that if I could be elected president, I would really have some progressive yet tough answers for the country's ills. However, when it comes to health care, I really see no clear way ahead. I definitely do not think that a more socialized program would work very well for anybody, and the system is certainly broken for many average citizens as it now stands.

Yesterday, we had gotten the first real good snow and the temperature had dropped twenty degrees. So, last night I was busy not studying, when a furious pounding nearly came through the front door. Bailey nearly went through the door himself. Derick was still at school, so you can imagine the fear I must have communicated to my mother at the other end of the phone. Still on the phone, I flipped on the porch light and peeped through the blinds. I was met by the anxious stare of a long-haired, rough-skinned man and a young girl with abrasions and lacerations all over her face. For a split second, I imagined a scene from every terrible thriller movie that I should have never seen. Still, I opened the door.

Apparently, this was my neighbor down the road and one of his daughters and they had just rolled their Jeep twenty feet into the cornfield after hitting a patch of black ice. They had climbed out of the wreckage and ours was the second house they had tried. The girl had lost her shoes somewhere. She couldn't have been more than twelve. It is strange how first impressions change in an instant. Whatever I had thought of this man before, I now saw him as a father whose skin was hardened by hard labor in a blue-collar, benefit-scant job that he may have recently been layed-off from. He had just smashed his family's vital mode of transportation. The girl had a nasty gash somewhere on her thigh that was soaking through her jeans. Most of the injuries to her face were superficial, but the deepening bruise across her nose was an ominous sign for me. I asked her father if he would like me to call an ambulance. He quietly said no. I wanted to get to a better look at what was under the bloodstain widening on her jeans. I was about to rip the small hole larger when the girl said she would rather take them off instead. (Was this her only pair of jeans?) Indeed, it was a nasty gash, and though I am no doctor, I have had enough stitches to know that this needed stitches. Still, the father sent the ambulance that arrived anyway away without them so much as looking at the child. In my clinical picture, she definitely needed stitches, possibly an x-ray and a head CT.

I know what this father was thinking though. I am sure he wants the best for his children, but ambulance rides and emergency rooms and diagnostic testing are out of the range of his family budget on a good day--and this was not a good day. How did we arrive at the day when an honest hard-working father has to decide between decent medical care and putting a roof over his children's head and food on the table?

Derick has a good job and good health care coverage. (100% maternity) We have been blessed. But what was I to do for this child? I butterflied the wound and performed a simple neuro check. What more could I do?

bread baking

That's right folks! We have a bun in the oven!

Our "bun" is still very tiny, eight weeks, but it makes me awfully uncomfortable. Luckily I have not had the immobilizing nausea. Instead, I have terrible gas. Yeah, the kind that runs my husband and the dog out of the bed! I haven't been craving anything specific yet, but I most certainly cannot handle certain smells. Bless his heart, the other day, Derick asked if I wanted to make cheesy brats for dinner--As if! He is beside himself and has taken his protectiveness to a whole new level. I try to be patient and smile.

I sort of freaked out a little at first. I figured out how to take the pregnancy test and read the results, neither being an easy task. Now what to do next? I was at a total loss. I don't have OB nursing until next semester! Luckily my OBGYN nurse is very patient and I am sure I am not the first totally clueless mom-to-be she has seen. Pretty much, I don't need to do anything. Babies have a funny way of just sort of getting what they need.

On a final note, this bun will be ready in June. As it turns out, the Lord has answered all our prayers. I will graduate in May, just in time, and I will still have a child before I turn 30--barely!

what is up with all the wild animals?

so having a family of racoons move into the tree outside and make nightly raids on our garbage wasn't enough.



We, Derick and I, and his brother Ben, and his wife Emily, and their son Nathaniel, spent Friday night cleaning out what was left in mom's house so that the Gregory's can move in next weekend. We were just finishing up, and I went around the house turning off all of the lights. As I cut the lights in the living room, I happened to notice something dark perched on top of a curtain rod. I thought to myself, "Now, who would stick something up there?"

Then, to my horror, I realized that it might possibly be something living perched up there! I cautiously turned back on the light and found this little guy who stared at me with his big yellow eyes as if to say: "Who do you think you are flipping those light on and off?!"

What next?

When one of the little girls in swim class this week was asked to name something she should not play with at home, she responded, "Tigers--they will bite you."

I hope I never awaken to find biting tigers in my house.

the truth about denial

yes, my ears were fully functioning when my mother told me about her new job offer.
yes, i told her it was a wonderful opportunity and i was rather worried about how we were going to dig her out of the snow this winter
yes, i accepted all her "gift's"--the old toys, the canning jars, the pressure cooker
yes, i helped pack some boxes (alright, so probably not as many as a dutiful daughter should have)
yes, i saw the uhaul in the driveway, watched as the priesthood carried out the tables, and the beds, and the dressers, and the piano
yes, i kissed and hugged her

still, it hasn't hit me that today my mommy is leaving, moving a thousand miles away, and i will only see her at Christmas and maybe in the summer.
(mom, i promise i didn't write this to make you feel guilty, i am really happy for you and couldn't wish any better for you)

i know that one day, in a week or so, i will drive past the house and think my mom doesn't live there anymore...i can't just walk in to borrow the bathroom and crawl into her bed and cuddle and talk.

i love you mom, i do wish you the best

Jack and Bailey and I don't even drink!

Bailey the Basset Hound

Jack the Wire-Haired Dachshund

What can we say, we like short dogs with long bodies...most days anyhow. Not so much on days when Jack personally takes it upon himself to mow our lawn and then throws up green yuck all over my floor, and not so much on days when we have to pay $50 to have a zit popped on Bailey's leg. At least, it wasn't cancer. And so, we love these dogs, enough that we will clean up all "jack-jack's" sick mess, and we will shell out the fifty bucks to make sure dear "bubby" is cancer-free.

the sky must be falling

okay so the sky isn't falling, but I am blogging after ...what?... two months! I know these are long past due, and I really have no good excuse: newly married, setting up house, computer has a virus, no internet connection.... see, no good excuse. I figured that since I have two months worth to catch up, I better give it in doses.

The hair reminded me of Elizabeth Bennet

Clowning with Derick's grandmas Jane and Goldena

The only picture we got at Spaghetti Warehouse

June 6, 2008 was blistering hot and stiflingly humid, but I don't think I really even noticed. I think both Derick and I were asked about a hundred times if we were nervous, and I really honestly wasn't. In fact everything went so smoothly I should have been expecting a catastrophe just around the corner--not even a misplaced recommend. We did freeze when the temple president asked who our witnesses would be. I hadn't even thought about it. Luckily my brother's Daniel Merrill and Jeff Brown were willing and able and made it such a simple and personal ceremony. Derick and I had the opportunity to sit alone for a moment in the celestial room before entering the sealing room. Did we gaze deeply into each other's eyes and contemplate the significance and gravity of the covenants we were about to make? Well, I do remember thinking, they left us alone in here?! we aren't married yet!! The way Rachel tells it, during the ceremony, I had a lovey-gaga look on my face. Actually, I was trying to stifle the giggles. I know, I am a complete heretic. We did take a moment to pray together, so we can't be hopelessly lost.

My perfect moment of the day was the look Derick gave me when I walked out to meet him in my sparkly dress. I saw how deeply he loved me.

Derick's parents provided our lovely honeymoon suite at the Marriott and took the time to set the mood for our arrival--candles around the jacuzzi (not ideal with long hair, but I only singed a little), rose petals (even in the toilet), soft music, good cheese and good crackers...

What is that saying? Into every good life a little rain must fall. Apparently, the catastrophe was around the next corner. I guess to expect two perfect days in a row IN OHIO, would have been pushing my luck. I have the most wonderful and creative family...on both sides. They pulled off a miracle. The reception ended up being better than I could have planned, and believe me I planned a lot!

Then off to the beach...

It is true what they say about southern hospitality. Even the trip down was a joy, possibly tempered by the fact that I was hopelessly in love, and finally had Derick all to myself, and nowhere to be for the next two weeks. Even when we stopped off in North Carolina to have the car serviced, and it took four hours! We walked down to this old pizzeria and had the best breadsticks of my entire life. Big fat ones, topped with browned sesame seeds, all crusty on the outside, and warm and chewy on the inside.

I have no intention of going into great detail about the goings on of our honeymoon. Like it is a big secret anyway. Y'all are not stupid. Derick found this lovely room with a balcony right on the beach. We made no concrete plans and changed our minds on a whim if we felt like it. It was so wonderful and relaxing. So, the para sailing wasn't so relaxing for Derick, who is terrified of heights, but I loved it. I also love that Derick swallowed his fears for me. To see rays, jellyfish, and sea turtles from that vantage point, was quite the experience. Mostly, we spent the days collecting shells on the beach, or building huge sand dragons. I did happen to step on a bee, but Derick removed the stinger--my hero. In the evenings, we grilled fresh shrimp and fish on the balcony and ate better than I have in any restaurant. Derick was not overly thrilled to swim in the ocean either, but I was in heaven. Derick has this thing about swimming in water in which he cannot see the bottom. Luckily, it wasn't until the last night we went out onto the pier to watch the fishermen reeling in shark, or I never would have gotten him in the water. No great whites, but these probably could have taken a decent bite. I wasn't worried for a second.

Nerds unite!

On Sunday we celebrated Mother's Day with Mamma Dinah and Derick's mom Nancy at Derick's parents' house. After grilling chicken and vegetable-kabobs, Derick and I settled in to relax on the couch, while the rest of the families discussed the usage of the word "salver" at the kitchen table. Derick's dad Greg turned to us and asked, "Did you know you were marrying such a nerd?'' It was all in good fun.
Alright, I know I am a nerd, but for years I have been fiercely defending my many oddities as creative and individual. Being the girl who actually did tape together her thick plastic glasses in the sixth grade, I must now admit that I am a nerd.
I still think sorting socks by color and matching the number of holes is just good time management. I usually have to get dressed in a hurry, and I know socks are only supposed to have one hole, but sometimes they have more, and that is just life. I have to be able to quickly decide holey or no-holey when I know I will definitely be taking my shoes off that day. Tucking my shirt into my cleavage is just simply being modest for those of us who have been blessed more than others, and don't want to give away the farm when bending over, holding children, etc. I will give you that highlighting the words I don't know in my dictionary is a red, glaring, neon Nerd-Alert, but at least I am making myself aware of what I don't know.
In the end, Derick loves my many oddities and nerdiness, so even if he never imagined he would marry someone like me, he is thrilled that he is.

Phew!!

I'm back. You might be wondering where I have been all month. Here, there, and everywhere!! The semester has finally finished, so now I can get back to my blogging. Maybe it is just the spring, but it seems like everybody I know has too much to do and not enough hours in the day. I started a Microbiology class at the end of March on top of my nursing classes and clinicals. I know what you are thinking and don't even say it. It was either that, or try and get married and go on a honeymoon in the middle of the summer semester class. Now, all that is done and I even managed to scrape up some decent grades...oh and not kill anyone. Actually...I take that back...I did have a hospice patient that passed away, but that wasn't my fault...Don't say anything. Moving on, I thought I would bring you up to speed on what I have been up to...if I can remember.

1. March 30th--celebrated our engagement. Has it been a year already? Definitely!!! and it has felt like eternity and I am getting tired of it (waiting, not eternity). Less than a month to go now though. Actually, I forgot it was our engagement anniversary until Derick brought me flowers. I took him out to dinner though, and I payed.

2. April 10--Celebrated Derick's 26th birthday. No, I did not forget this one, and yes I am a cradle-robber. I made Derick's favorite dessert--DIRT!! Actually it is cream and pudding and Oreo cookies and ooey-gooey yummy goodness. It just happens to look like dirt. I made it last year for Easter and Rachel's kids all thought I had lost my marbles. They thought it was funny when they realized it wasn't really dirt.

3. Acquired yet another dog. I know...don't say it. I felt really guilty after the lady took Sadie, even though I knew it was the right thing to do. She was just more than I could handle at the time, and she was the most willful dog I have ever met. Still, I felt like I had given away my child. Then Jack came along, and I felt super guilty. Jack is a bristle-haired dachshund with a much easier temperament. Derick's dad found him at work and Derick's parents are taking care of him until we are back from our honeymoon. I lucked out with in-law too.

4. April twenty something--celebrated Lizzy's birthday. No, I did not forget again, well I forgot the day we celebrated it, but Lizzy's b-day is on the 18th. Actually, we missed the party, because Derick and I couldn't find the park, but we celebrated later anyway.

5. Mailed our invitations just in the nick of time. I attempted to scale down the actual time involved trying not to get too fancy, but I was not successful. Things just seemed to snowball. I am a maniac and I need mental help. I really am marrying the most wonderful, thoughtful caring man. I love him so much and I can't wait until June 6th. (Well I can cuz I have to...never mind) Derick assembled the entire guest list--even my half! He called all over the country and talked to people he has never met.

6. Still managed to keep most of my sanity, not completely scare Derick out of marrying me, finish all my finals, and manage the Primary as best I could.

We are not out of the woods yet!! Tomorrow is the bridal shower; Next week, Derick is going through the temple; then Sariah's graduation; then the wedding...oh and we are moving Derick's grandmother out of the house she has inhabited for the last 40 years.

I just have to remember: Don't eat the whole elephant, don't eat the whole elephant...

Ice storm

Yay!! I am finally getting the hang of this. It does help to use a computer that can support all the downloading. These are just around our house and down the street. In a nutshell, the weather is cold and humid enough that the rain freezes encasing everything in ice. As the ice thickens, it becomes too heavy for branches and telephone lines to support, so they snap. Then as quickly as it comes, it warms up and melts. As the temperature rises, the ice cracks and falls to the ground in piles. It literally looks like someone has dumped crushed ice everywhere. And beware of falling icicles!! Enjoy.

The surreal life

I am so enjoying everyone else's blogs that by the time I get back to mine, I feel totally inadequate to be witty or even remotely interesting. I have no adorable children to post stunning photogs of. I could steal some I suppose (children or photographs), but then I might end up on the news, and I would have nothing to wear, and it would just be a huge hassle. I could take stunning photogs of something else, but I feel totally inadequate in that too. I took a beginning B&W photography class last semester. I think what I learned was that I have no idea what I am doing. Maybe if I get up enough courage I will post them. Courage... and the knowledge to use a scanner, which may be harder to come by.

I did take some snapshots of the ice storm, but cannot get the CD to load on my computer. I am sure it is me and not the technology. I didn't really have much time to get out and take anything beautiful, but I thought my southern cousins might like to see such a devestating Midwestern phenomenon. I will keep trying.

Since I don't have any children to gush about, and I might make everyone sick gushing about Derick, although he is just the most wonderful thing that has happened to me, I will relate my experience this semester in my hospital clinical rotation. I am sure this will bring fond, or not so fond, memories to the nurses in the family.

I think, back in the day, nursing students were assigned a lab partner whom they could use for target practice. This is no longer legal. So now, we practice for a day on rubber dummies, go home and practice on oranges (or the cat! jk) for the weekend, and on Monday, are given real, live sick people. When my instructor asked me what I had learned this semester, I explained that I was just glad that all of my patients were still alive when I went home at night. Actually, that was in reference to a patient whose oxygen sats were in the basement all day despite my best efforts. I have been informed that a week later she did "pass on." Happy Easter!

(Be warned this might get little graphic)

I often wonder if there is not a better way to teach nursing. I am sure other schools are different. I suppose I do learn best with the "hands on" approach. Last week I was given an "easy" patient or so I was told--one day, post-op from a routine abdominal surgery. All I would really have to do was make sure the dressing was clean and intact. Midmorning, the nurse informed me that the doc had just sent up an order for a suppository to "get her bowels moving." This is called "dump on the student." As this was my first time giving this treatment, my instructor reviewed the procedure with me beforehand and would assist. I knew I needed gloves, but when he asked me how far I was supposed to advance the suppository, my mind went blank. In my head, I was flipping through the pages of my nursing text...two?, no six?... He reminded me I could go no further than the length of my finger. Duh! I am now envisioning a Gary Larsen comic with my elbow somewhere up...(you get the picture) and a caption reading "How far?" Anyway, so baby butts are adorable, but that is the end of it. Lets just say, older people have significantly more dimples, and they are not adorable in the least.

Needless to say, I successfully completed the task. It was not as bad as it seems or at least as I thought it was going to be. One thing I have to remind myself of when I have to do anything unpleasant, is that I am sure the patient would trade palces with me in a heartbeat. They need something, and I can do it for them...period.

I hope I have not completely horrified or sickened anyone.

Check out my Slide Show!

after the storm

Alright, I am still figuring out all this stuff. I don't know how to make things any bigger. I also haven't figured out how to invite people to view this or create links to it, but I will figure it out sooner or later.

In recent news, we experienced a killer Ohio ice storm last night. They are very pretty, but deadly. Lest you think that ear-splitting crack is thunder, think again. It is the beloved oak tree in your front yard falling on your house. Alright it was a maple tree and it didn't fall on the house, but it did bring down the cable line. We are still without power. I want to get out and take some picts. If I do I will post them. (assuming I can remember how!!)

We have successfully moved the wedding to the relief of all parties. In fact, it is actually a blessing. Now we will not have to pay rent for any of the month of May.

Oh, my first blog!!

hi,

So I consider myself intensively technologically illiterate, but I suppose if I figured out my stupid nursing PDA, I can post a blog (especially one that is set up for me). I guess with Rachel's jump start, we will all have family blogs before too long. I hope that this will be a good way to disseminate the multitude of photos I have to share with everyone, and I can keep everyone abreast of the wedding news.

If you haven't already heard, we moved the wedding to June 6 (reception on June 7) due to Sariah's graduation conflict. It actually wasn't as bad as I thougt.